I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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