i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
