apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
