blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
