Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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