I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
only you would photoshop your dick
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
