is your mom at the bar?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
