omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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