I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
