Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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