Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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