Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
