You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
