i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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