he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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