I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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