he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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