i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
