i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Please don't give away my fajitas
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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