I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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