dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you win again, gameday.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
