he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Randomize