plz talk dirty to me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
