my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
