Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I could make wine with my vomit
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize