so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
