I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
