i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
