What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
