I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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