no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
