two words: eviction party
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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