You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
