come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize