I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
