you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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