I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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