I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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