you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize