I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
