I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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