I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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