Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
