never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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