I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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