Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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