we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
