when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
