NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
