my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
