she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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