I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
