That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
