his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
