He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did i walk over a car last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
