dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
