rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
