I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
