Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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