is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
