I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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