Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
