I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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