she smelled like a LAN party
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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