Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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