We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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