I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
